Star-Telegram.com: David Thomas

BOBS Rankings: PCL stands for Pacific Coast Losers

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 22:37 CST

By DAVID THOMAS

Staff writer David Thomas’ Deep Six in Week 5 of the Bottom of the Barrel Series college rankings, with first-place vote in parentheses:

Rk., Team	W-L	Prv	Last week	This week
1. Washingtonians (1)	3-28	1
Washington	0-10		lost to UCLA 7-27	a-at Washington St. (1-10)
Washington St.	1-10		lost to Arizona St. 0-31	a-vs. Washington (0-10)
Seattle Seahawks	2-8		lost to Arizona 20-26	vs. Washington (6-4)
2. SMU	1-10	2	lost to UTEP 10-36	Idle
3. San Diego St.	1-10	3	b-lost to Utah 14-63	vs. UNLV (5-6)
4. Idaho	2-9	4	lost to Boise St. 10-45	at Hawaii (5-5)
5. c-Western Kentucky	2-9	5	lost to Mid. Tenn. St. 10-21	Idle
6. North Texas	1-9	6	idle	at Mid. Tenn. St. (4-6)

Also receiving votes: Tulsa’s defense; NFL ties; Barry Melrose’s return to coaching; NASCAR vs. America’s Funniest Home Videos; cold french fries.

Notes: a-Because both teams took care of business Saturday and lost, the stage is set for the BOBS Game of the Century – the first-ever meeting between teams ranked 1-A and 1-B; b-Aztecs threw two passes for own touchdowns and two passes for Utah touchdowns; c-Official athletic department releases ask to be referred to as Western Kentucky University or WKU, not Western Kentucky, Western, Western Ky., W. Kentucky or a BOBS team.

Jones said Cowboys will maybe make the playoffs

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 23:52 CST

DAVID THOMAS

Putting on our Sunday best ...

Jerry Jones confused me. He said, "Yes, absolutely," when asked if the Cowboys would be a playoff team, and by the end of his answer had said the Cowboys would "be a team that plays well enough to be thinking about the playoffs." I’m going to start writing my online-exclusive NFL picks column that way. The Cowboys absolutely will win Sunday ... and will be thinking about a win. That should help my record.

If you think about it, every NFL team thinks about the playoffs. Even the Detroit Lions. They may be thinking about what they’re going to be doing with their free time during the playoffs, but at least they’re thinking about the playoffs.

I’m worried about Ollie the Optimist. He said he’s absolutely sure the Cowboys will make the playoffs. I asked why, and he said because they came as close to winning at Arizona as the San Francisco 49ers did. Never thought I’d see a Cowboys fan reaching like that.

Did you see where someone in Tarrant County wrote in Jones’ name during the presidential election? I’m not so sure that’s a smart vote. Jerry might do well as president, but I’m afraid he’d appoint himself chief of staff, too, and we know how well that has worked with the Cowboys.

The Texas Rangers are putting pitchers through an off-season conditioning program modeled after the old workouts of team president Nolan Ryan, with an emphasis on producing legs and body core like Ryan’s. If only there were a way to give the pitchers a heart like Ryan’s.

Scary realization: The Rangers’ second-place finish is the only thing preventing us from having all of our Big Four in last place in their divisions at this very moment.

How much longer do I need to wait before I’m allowed to worry about the Dallas Mavericks?

In an effort to keep ABC from cutting away from future NASCAR events to show America’s Funniest Home Videos, NASCAR chairman Brian France has decided to award $10,000 each race to the driver with the funniest in-race pet stunt, practical joke or tire-to-the-crotch of a pit-crew member.

For NASCAR officials, ABC’s decision to cut away had to feel like a kick to their, um, Sprint Cup.

You know the old advice for athletes that nothing good can happen at 2 a.m. at a nightclub? Well, we can add a new time and location to that after Florida State suspended five football players for allegedly fighting ... around noon ... at the Student Union.

I’d like to see a before becoming head coach and after becoming head coach of Mike Singletary’s blood pressure.

The Boston Red Sox announced they would not raise ticket prices for the first time in more than a decade. The Red Sox, who had the highest average ticket price in the majors last season, said they would keep ticket prices obscene instead of raising them to amazingly obscene.

Texas Tech’s offense is incredible. The Red Raiders were off Saturday and still scored three touchdowns.

In a decision that had to please ESPN programmers, publisher EW Scripps said that despite the journalism industry’s woes, it remains committed to running the annual Scripps National Spelling Bee. However, all contest words will be cut back to six letters or less.

Speaking of newspapers, did you know that the newspaper in Laramie, Wyo., is named the "Boomerang?" I bet that’s a fun paper to throw in the mornings.

David Thomas’ sports humor column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Pickin’ & Grinnin’: With a full schedule, it’s all-in — except against the spread.

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:51 CST

By DAVID THOMAS

We have said goodbye to the bye weeks. Every team has had its off week, so now we’re back to a full slate of 16 games.

You know what that means, don’t you? It now takes me longer to write this column and takes you longer to read it. We feel each other’s pain.

Speaking of pain, I was 5-8 against the spread last week despite my sparkling 10-4 record straight up.

You know what that means, don’t you? Our legal department insists that I remind you that these picks are for recreational purposes only. (At least the ones against the spread.)

New York Jets at New England Patriots (-3): So if the Jets beat the Rams by 44, and the Rams beat the Cowboys by 20, that means the Jets would beat the Cowboys by 64 and the Patriots would beat the Cowboys by 75. Pick: Patriots 24-13.

Baltimore Ravens at New York Giants (-6 1/2): In a baltimoresun.com poll, 73 percent of respondents said this year’s Baltimore team has the best offense in Ravens’ history. That’s a little deceiving, though, because the Ravens have been around only since 1996, and for five of those years their defense was so dominating that they didn’t even field an offense. Let’s ask that poll question again Baltimore’s offense faces Big Blue. Pick: Giants 24-14.

Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons (-6): The Broncos have signed running back Tatum Bell, who brings plenty of baggage with him to Denver. Rudi Johnson wanted to know if any of it is his. Pick: Falcons 34-24.

Houston Texans and Indianapolis Colts (-8): Remember those two fumbles by Texans quarterback Sage Rosenfels that helped the Colts rally for an improbable 31-27 win in Houston six weeks ago? It was brutally painful to watch. But fret not, friends! The Texans won’t put their teammate in that position again. Pick: Colts 27-14.

Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins (-10 1/2): I’m beginning to see a trend with the Raiders. With Lane Kiffin as coach, they were bad. With Tom Cable as coach, they are bad. With JaMarcus Russell at quarterback, they are bad. With Andrew Walter at quarterback, they are bad. With Al Davis ... Pick: Dolphins 23-10.

Minnesota Vikings at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3 1/2): You know how when a running back has fumble problems and his coach will make him carry a football around all the time? After Vikings running back Adrian Peterson took his helmet off (and somehow wasn’t penalized) to celebrate a touchdown last week, Peterson has had to keep his helmet on when he sleeps, when he eats, when he showers ... Pick: Bucs 30-24.

Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers (-14): Detroit fans are screaming for the Lions to start backup quarterback Drew Stanton — the possible quarterback of the future — but team officials are hesitant because they don’t think he is ready to start. That’s even though the Lions already are starting players at other position who aren’t ready to start. Pick: Panthers 24-13.

Philadelphia Eagles (-9) at Cincinnati Bengals: The Bengals are riding a one-game winning streak, but they’re due a letdown now that they have won a game and the pressure is off. Unless receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh comes out after this column’s deadline and guarantees Cincinnati won’t finish 1-15. Pick: Eagles 31-20.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers (no line): Bears starting quarterback Kyle Orton (high ankle sprain) hopes to play. The question Chicago coaches must answer is what percent Orton is better than a 100 percent Rex Grossman. Pick: Packers 20-17.

New Orleans Saints (-5 1/2) at Kansas City Chiefs: In their past three games, the Chiefs have lost to the Jets in the final minute, lost to the Buccaneers in overtime and lost by one point on a failed 2-point conversion with 23 seconds remaining. To find someone who had their heart broken more times in a three-week span, we’d have to go back to me in junior high. But I eventually got my girl. Fortunately for the Chiefs, they won’t have to wait as long. Pick: Chiefs 28-24.

Arizona Cardinals (-3) at Seattle Seahawks: The Cardinals won last week because 49ers coaches were confused over the spot of the ball on the game’s final play. The only opposing coach’s confusion this week will be Mike Holmgren’s confusion over why he agreed to coach one more season. Pick: Cardinals 28-20.

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers (-6): The Rams have been outscored 64-7 in the first half their past two games. The 49ers’ JV players are telling their parents they might get into this week’s game. Pick: 49ers 31-10.

Tennessee Titans (-3) at Jacksonville Jaguars: I’m tempted to pick the Titans to lose their first game, but the Jaguars are the only team to lose to Cleveland and Cincinnati — John McCain did better with Ohio — and I just can’t forgive them for that. Pick: Titans 20-14.

San Diego Chargers at Pittsburgh Steelers (-4 1/2): Injuries make this game difficult to call. Can Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson gain a "toe" hold against Pittsburgh’s defense? Can Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger "shoulder" the load against San Diego? Can I pick two more difficult names to spell — I’ve already used "Houshmandzadeh" – than LaDainian and Roethlisberger? Pick: Steelers 23-17.

Dallas Cowboys (-1 1/2) at Washington Redskins: The Cowboys play with a lot more energy after being called out by Dirk Nowitzki, but — just like the Mavericks — they still lose by seven points. Pick: Redskins 27-20.

Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills (-5): My Monday Night Football prediction: Ron Jaworski will say, "What Brady Quinn needs to do more is look for his hot receiver." Then Tony Kornheiser will reply, "I think Michelle Pfeiffer would make a hot receiver." I hope I’m wrong about that, but not this pick. Pick: Bills 21-14.

Dallas Cowboys really do control their own destiny

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 23:15 CST

DAVID THOMAS

Wade Phillips is saying that the Dallas Cowboys control their own destiny. That makes me nervous.

Have you ever noticed that, most of the time, when a coach says his team controls its own destiny, the team’s failure to control things to that point is why his team’s destiny is in question to begin with?

I mean, have you heard Jeff Fisher say that his undefeated Tennessee Titans control their own destiny?

That’s where we are with the Cowboys as they come roaring out of their off week — haven’t they really had about five or six off weeks already? — with a 5-4 record for Sunday night’s game at the Washington Redskins.

The Cowboys need to win five of their remaining seven games to give themselves a fairly certain chance of making the playoffs. That means a team that has gone 5-4 needs to close by going 5-2.

The good news is that Phillips’ Cowboys went 5-2 to finish the regular season last year, so he knows how to make that happen here. Of course, that team started 8-1.

(Reminds me of the old joke about the businessman who became a millionaire by starting as a billionaire.)

The bad news is that finishing 5-2 last season, coupled with that momentum-building win from the first-round playoff bye, could not prevent the Cowboys from getting their destiny handed to them the next weekend by the visiting New York Giants.

The other good news is that the previous time the Cowboys finished at least 5-2, they had postseason success.

The other bad news is that it was way back in 1996, which, as every Cowboys fan knows, was the last year their team won a playoff game.

Does anyone else get the feeling that the Cowboys’ 1996 is becoming the equivalent of the Chicago Cubs’ 1908? I know 100 years is a little different than 12 years, but I’m sure there were Cubs fans in 1920 who were telling friends, "Quit worrying, it has only been 12 years."

Anyway, only once in the past 11 years have the Cowboys managed to lose fewer than three times over the season’s final seven games. Shoot, they have lost at least twice in every December since 1996, and there are still three November games to play.

Last year, the two losses in the Cowboys’ closing 5-2 run came to Philadelphia and in the regular season-ending game at Washington, a game that was meaningless. The Cowboys play at Washington this week and end the regular season at Philadelphia, a game Cowboys fans hope isn’t meaningless for different reasons.

Included in between are a home date with the defending Super Bowl champion Giants and a visit to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Fortunately, because the Cowboys control their own destiny, I guess they have the luxury of choosing which two of their remaining games they can lose.

And that leads to something else Wade Phillips is saying: The Cowboys still expect to reach the Super Bowl. (He didn’t specifically say the next Super Bowl, but I think that’s what he meant.)

It’s good to know that the Cowboys’ expectations haven’t changed since training camp.

Despite starting 5-4.

Despite the difficult schedule ahead.

Despite the appearance that the fickle broken pinkie of fate has not pointed in the Cowboys’ direction this season.

Washingtonians in despair

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 22:45 CST

By DAVID THOMAS

Staff writer David Thomas’ Deep Six in Week 4 of the Bottom of the Barrel Series college rankings, with first-place vote in parentheses:

Rk., Team	W-L	Prv	Last week	This week
1. Washingtonians (1)	3-25	1
Washington	0-9		lost to Arizona St. 19-39	at Arizona St. (6-3)
a-Washington State	1-9		lost to Arizona 28-59	vs. UCLA (3-6)
Seattle Seahawks	2-7		lost to Miami 19-21	vs. Arizona (5-3)
2. b-SMU	1-9	2	lost to Memphis 26-31	at UTEP (4-5)
3. San Diego State	1-9	3	lost to BYU 12-41	c-vs. Utah (10-0)
4. Idaho	2-8	4	idle	c-vs. Boise St. (9-0)
5. Western Kentucky	2-8	5	lost to Troy 7-17	vs. Mid. Tenn. St. (3-6)
6. North Texas	1-9	6	lost to Fla. Atlantic 13-46	idle

Also receiving votes: Penn State’s national title chances; Cleveland Browns with a fourth-quarter lead; Mark Cuban’s chances of buying the Chicago Cubs; McCain-Palin ’08.

Notes: a-Washington State became the first Pac-10 team to allow 500 points, and three games still remain; b-"June Cometh, Wins Don’t-eth;" c-Biggest concerns for these two BCS busters is how much their opponents will hurt their strength of schedule numbers.

Unlike Coach Wade Phillips, Obama believes in change

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 23:40 CST

DAVID THOMAS

Putting on our Sunday best ...

If Cowboys writers had covered the election: "John McCain remained optimistic despite suffering a landslide loss to Barack Obama, saying the upcoming off week comes at the perfect time for his campaign. McCain, however, said he never considered replacing Sarah Palin with Brooks Bollinger."

Wade Phillips told his team that Obama’s victory is an example of not giving up. Whoa, there, Coach. I’d be careful about pointing to Obama for inspiration. Didn’t Obama campaign with the theme of change?

Obama said if there were one thing he could change in sports, it would be the BCS. Hold on there, Mr. President-elect. You may be ready to tackle the politics of Capitol Hill, but you are not ready for the politics of college football.

Tony Romo said this week that he believes the Dallas Cowboys’ best football is ahead. I know it sure isn’t behind them.

I’m not saying Cowboys cornerback Mike Jenkins appeared to shy away from New York Giants freight train/running back Derrick Ward on Sunday, but Jenkins received an invitation to make a bye week personal appearance at a bull fight.

Commissioner Bud Selig advised major-league general managers to be mindful of the nation’s struggling economy during the general managers’ annual meeting at the St. Regis Resort in Dana Point, Calif., where the least expensive room with one king bed lists for $405 — weeknight — and a bagel costs $5.50.

There was one person at the meetings who said baseball has no reason to worry about the economy. Do I really need to tell you that was Scott Boras?

Boras is the only person I know who could get $1.2 million for the $64,000 question.

Boras told reporters his relationship with Alex Rodriguez is good again. Boras didn’t go so far as to say it’s as good as A-Rod’s relationship with Madonna, but it’s good.

Nationally, they’re criticizing Michael Young winning the Gold Glove. Rangers fans, of course, think Young deserves any positive recognition because he’s such a true professional. Shoot, if Young was named Miss America, I might wonder how he won it, but I’d still be happy for him.

After Carl Edwards won the Dickies 500 last weekend with his gas gauge below "E," Ollie the Optimist e-mailed to say Edwards can get away with that only because he’s engaged. Once he’s married, that will change.

Jose Canseco pleaded guilty to attempting to bring a fertility drug from Mexico into the United States and received 12 months’ unsupervised probation. Federal prosecutors were disappointed, saying they had asked the judge to also prohibit Canseco from writing more books.

Sounds like Ryan Leaf may have turned over an old leaf.

Sometimes you don’t even have to add a punch line. When quarterback Daunte Culpepper joined the Detroit Lions, he said, "I am encouraged by the commitment of ownership, the vision of management and the great potential of the talent that is on the team."

If Ryder Cup writers covered the election: Republican captain John McCain conceded after Barack Obama won California and its 55 electoral votes, putting Obama ahead 162 & 106.

Both presidential candidates made an Election-eve appeal to voters with interviews during halftime of Monday Night Football. Pollsters recorded no bump in the polls for either candidate because no one watches Monday Night Football anymore.

David Thomas’ sports humor column appears Sundays and Wednesdays.

Pickin’ & Grinnin’: On behalf of all pickers and guessers, Hail to the Chiefs!

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 13:56 CST

By DAVID THOMAS

There’s a change of power under way, and not just in politics.

The Tennessee Titans, not the New England Patriots, are the only undefeated team. The Indianapolis Colts don’t look like a playoff team, and may not be one. The San Diego Chargers are 3-5 and only a playoff contender because they’re in the AFC West.

All this transition stuff sure makes it difficult to predict games. About the only thing I feel comfortable guaranteeing is that, if Pete Rozelle had drawn a paycheck picking NFL games instead of as the league’s commissioner, he wouldn’t have pushed for parity.

Thankfully, however, we still have the Kansas City Chiefs.

On to this week’s guesses.

Denver Broncos at Cleveland Browns (-3): Brady Quinn takes over as the Browns’ starting quarterback, and facing the Broncos’ defense for his first start is just the medicine Dr. Quinn ordered. Pick: Browns 31-24.

Tennessee Titans (-3) at Chicago Bears: Rex Grossman is back behind Chicago’s steering wheel for possibly a month. The Titans will make it impossible for the Bears to run, and Grossman will make it impossible for them to pass. Pick: Titans 20-10.

Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings (-2 1/2): Packers coach Mike McCarthy has never lost to Vikings coach Brad Childress. It’s not like that’s any kind of exclusive club or anything. Pick: Packers 24-21.

Jacksonville Jaguars (-6 1/2) at Detroit Lions: I couldn’t help but wonder Tuesday night how lonely it must have felt to be sitting in Detroit, wearing a Lions jersey while watching television, and hearing thousands and thousands of people chanting, "Yes we can!" Pick: Jaguars 17-14.

Baltimore Ravens (-1) at Houston Texans: The Texans waived N.D. Kalu, putting the veteran defensive end N.D. unemployment line. Pick: Ravens 20-17.

Buffalo Bills at New England Patriots (-3 1/2): I bet I fielded at least 50 phone calls and e-mails Monday from family and friends checking up on me after hearing reports that David Thomas was in Bill Belichick’s doghouse. That wasn’t me in trouble, but Patriots tight end David Thomas. Besides, I can’t be in two places at once. How can I be in Belichick’s doghouse when I’m on the Bills’ bandwagon? Pick: Bills 20-16.

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons (-1): Neither team had an opponent last weekend. The Saints had a bye week, the Falcons played at Oakland. Pick: Falcons 24-23.

Seattle Seahawks at Miami Dolphins (-8 1/2): Thanks to the Wright Brothers and time zones, the Seahawks will be able to return home cross-country from Miami in 3 hours and 45 minutes. And to think that their offense can’t even travel 300 yards in three hours. Pick: Dolphins 30-14.

St. Louis Rams at New York Jets (-8): With Brett Favre throwing eight interceptions over the past four games, New Jersey Lottery officials have changed the name of one of their popular games to the "Brett Favre Pick Six." Pick: Jets 21-14.

Indianapolis Colts at Pittsburgh Steelers (no line): An MRI of Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s right shoulder revealed it had suffered no significant damage. Meanwhile, an MRI of the Colts’ defense revealed it has suffered significant damage. Pick: Steelers 21-13.

Carolina Panthers (-9) at Oakland Raiders: The Raiders released former Pro Bowl cornerback DeAngelo Hall, and there are rumors that more players could soon be on their way out. Suddenly, Raiders players have less job security than newspaper people. Pick: Panthers 23-21.

Kansas City Chiefs at San Diego Chargers (-15): The Chargers had a bye last week, so they have had two weeks to prepare for the Chiefs. Pick: Chargers 27-14.

New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles (-3): The Giants played the Dallas Cowboys last week, so they have had two weeks to prepare for the Eagles. Pick: Giants 20-17.

San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (-9 1/2): Now that he has a game under his belt, 49ers coach Mike Singletary will not drop his pants at halftime. But he might after the game. Pick: Cardinals 34-17.

Last week: 9-5 (.643) overall, 9-5 (.643) vs. the spread. Season: 79-51 (.608) overall, 64-59-4 (.520) vs. the spread.

My fellow American fans, today we’re all winners

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 23:16 CST

DAVID THOMAS

My fellow Americans, it is with great humility and a breathtaking sense of responsibility that I sit on your breakfast table this morning and accept your assignment to represent you as the Sports President of the United States.

As I have virtually crossed these United States these past few months by reading fan message boards on the Internet, I have embraced your cry for change. I have promised to stand alongside you, the sports fan, just as I now sit alongside your bowl of Froot Loops, as we work together to make this a better sports nation.

I have consistently campaigned against "sports as usual," and now with the mandate you have given me, and with the unified voice in which you have so eloquently spoken, I hereby declare war on "The System."

That is why I am calling for immediate, across-the-board cuts on all parking charges at all sporting events. Venues that charge you an arm and a tailpipe to park your car are, in effect, raising ticket prices without raising ticket prices. These shenanigans must end, and they must end now!

Also, I am introducing a new tax. But you’ll like this one. I will tax only the New York Yankees, because I believe nothing unites our nation’s sports fans more than sticking it to the Yankees.

I view today as a day of new beginning.

As I look up from this page at each and every reader, I don’t see blue fans or red fans. Instead, I see one color of fans. I’m just not sure what color you are, because I never memorized what color red and blue make and I can’t go to my usual source for the answer because the economy has forced me to purchase store-brand sandwich bags, and my store-brand bags don’t have those separate colors at the top that form a new color when they put aside their differences and work together to keep your sandwich fresh. But I’ll let that other elected guy worry about sandwich bags.

The days of partisanship are ending. Before I even officially take office, I will begin implementing my system of universal television sports packages. My motto: "All games for all viewers."

The only thing I think all American fans should subscribe to — other than newspapers, of course — is the philosophy that if it’s on television, we should be able to watch it.

Today also is a day of hope. This is a time of hope. Even for Detroit Lions fans.

The Tampa Bay Rays inspired us all by so courageously demonstrating that it does not matter what kind of home stadium you come from, if you believe in yourself and work hard, you can succeed.

The Rays rallied around the admirable leadership of a man much like you and me: Joe the Manager, a man who shares my belief that we can achieve the extraordinary when we add a little extra to the ordinary.

I do not want to close this time with you by writing "Finally," for today is not an ending, but a beginning. Kind of like when we call a graduation a commencement. Indeed, the greatest days of American fandom are just beginning.

Change, however, never comes easy. The System will resist. The System will seek to protect the status quo. Yet, The System’s greatest weapon is our apathy.

I am prepared to fight this noble fight because I know that if all American sports fans wanted was what already has happened, ESPN Classic would have higher ratings.

And I want to assure you that if all of the above should somehow fail, unlike Jerry Jones, I do have a backup plan.

Thank you.

David Thomas’ sports humor column appears Wednesdays and Sundays.

UNT no longer best worst

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:33 CST

By DAVID THOMAS

Staff writer David Thomas’ Deep Six in Week 3 of the Bottom of the Barrel Series college rankings, with first-place vote in parentheses:

Rk., Team	W-L	Prv.	Last week	This week
1. Washingtonians (1)	3-19	2
Washington	0-8		a-lost to USC 0-56	vs. Arizona St. (2-6)
Washington St.	1-8		lost to Stanford 0-58	vs. Arizona (5-3)
Seattle Seahawks	2-6		lost to Philadelphia 7-26	at Miami (4-4)
2. SMU	1-8	3	idle	vs. Memphis (4-5)
3. b-San Diego St.	1-8	4	lost to Wyoming 10-35	at BYU (8-1)
4. Idaho	2-8	6	lost to San Jose St. 24-30	at Boise St. (8-0)
5. Western Kentucky	2-7	--	lost to North Texas 40-51	at Troy (5-3)
6. North Texas	1-8	1	c-upset W. Kentucky 51-40	at Fla. Atlantic (3-5)

Jumped out: 5. Utah State (2-7)

Also receiving votes: Michigan’s streak of 33 consecutive bowl appearances; World Series TV ratings; recession, whether official or unofficial.

Notes: a-USC defeated Washington and Washington State by a combined score of 125-0; b-Dennis Green is teaching a sports business management course at San Diego State. Students say the class is what they thought it was; c-the Mean Green’s 51 points were the most scored by a No. 1 team in the BOBS’ eight-year history.

Writer learns onions’ appeal

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:03 CDT

By DAVID THOMAS

I appreciate food.

Always have. Plan on doing so the rest of my life.

But after Saturday, I have a new appreciation for food.

Before, I always viewed food from a sportswriter’s perspective.

A culinary accomplishment? Running out of nachos at the same time you run out of nacho cheese.

Creative use of colors? Putting mustard and ketchup on a burger.

But now that is so, well, sportswriterish. I am a new man.

I am an assistant food stylist.

Krista Ruane said so. And she should know. She is an official food stylist.

You’ve probably seen her work on Iron Chef America, The Today Show or on David Letterman. She has even been a part of a Sports Illustrated shoot. (For food.)

Krista is the person who makes all that food look so, to use one of her favorite words, "pretty."

Krista was at Texas Motor Speedway on Saturday to make things pretty for The Asphalt Chef competition, featuring famed chefs Marco Batali, Rachael Ray and Fort Worth’s own Tim Love teamed with, respectively, Juan Pablo Montoya, Carl Edwards and Bobby Labonte in an Iron Chef-style grilling competition. (Batali and Montoya won, and I helped.)

Her job, basically, was to get everything ready. My job was to help her by doing everything from peeling onions to making sure there wasn’t one of those annoying plastic covers under the mustard lid.

This was new territory for me, because I know nothing about preparing food or the devices used to do so.

One of my first jobs was to set up the Batali-Montoya work station.

Krista set up one station for me to copy. When I finished, I had two devices left over, but I didn’t want to ask the food stylist, "What do I do with this long, plastic flipper and the little paint brush?"

Fortunately, Krista is a patient person. And smart. This obviously wasn’t her first cookout.

She explained things such as how she put the blenders near the power sources and the thermometers nearest the grills.

I can’t wait to impress my wife the next time I grill out, although she’ll probably wonder why I need blenders for brats.

Krista also is very nice. After rinsing potatoes — "Great job," she told me — she allowed me to stack them on one of the chefs’ tables.